Sachs Center, New York City's premier treatment center for ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression and social skill deficits

Welcome to the Sachs Center, New York City's premier treatment center for ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression and social skill deficits.

Spills happen. But for some reason, spills, mistakes, blunders, snafus, mess-ups, do-overs and screw-ups happen more to children and adults with ADD.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be very debilitating disorders if not carefully managed and supported.

If not diagnosed and treated, a teenager can grow into an adult who has accumulated years of failure, missed opportunities, damaged self-esteem and possible drug and alcohol abuse. Careers, work and home life can suffer greatly.

Fortunately, there are answers. We provide a comprehensive approach to managing and overcoming ADD and ADHD in children and adults. It takes a team approach to be successful, coordinating with family, school, psychiatrists and ADD coaches.

Once, ADD is identified and managed, the true benefits of ADD emerge. Creativity, out of the box thinking, drive, passion, invention, and leadership are just some of the gifts of ADD.

Call us at 646-807-8900 to unlock your true potential.

The Sachs Center, providing clinical answers, support and treatment for children, teens and adults with ADD, ADHD, Aspergers, Depression and Anxiety in the New York City area.

New York City's premier treatment center for ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression and social skill deficits.

Welcome to the Sachs Center, New York City's premier treatment center for ADD, ADHD, anxiety, depression and social skill deficits.

Spills happen. But for some reason, spills, mistakes, blunders, snafus, mess-ups, do-overs and screw-ups happen more to children and adults with ADD.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be very debilitating disorders if not carefully managed and supported.

If not diagnosed and treated, a teenager can grow into an adult who has accumulated years of failure, missed opportunities, damaged self-esteem and possible drug and alcohol abuse. Careers, work and home life can suffer greatly.

Fortunately, there are answers. We provide a comprehensive approach to managing and overcoming ADD and ADHD in children and adults. It takes a team approach to be successful, coordinating with family, school, psychiatrists and ADD coaches.

Once, ADD is identified and managed, the true benefits of ADD emerge. Creativity, out of the box thinking, drive, passion, invention, and leadership are just some of the gifts of ADD.

Call us at 646-807-8900 to unlock your true potential.

The Sachs Center, providing clinical answers, support and treatment for children, teens and adults with ADD, ADHD, Aspergers, Depression and Anxiety in the New York City area.

Email, Text & Voicemail Translation

Dear Readers:

Can't understand what the hell he meant by that email? Does he like me or not? Wondering what he really meant when he left that voicemail message?

Cut and paste your email messages (or text messages) from him or post the transcript of the voicemail messages and I'll intepret the "guy-speak" for you.

-- George

Misled & Used

Dear George:

I was hanging out/dating this guy for several months. I thought it was moving to the next level. However I ran into him at a restaurant. He was actually on a date with another woman. I sent him an email that was fairly breezy saying that it was funny running into him. And that I was wondering where we stood. This is what he wrote...

Thanks for the note, yes, it's a small world!! Sure, I'm happy to be honest w/ you and I appreciate the nice things you said in your email as well. I received your email before New Years, replied and didn't hear back for some time so I really wasn't aware that you had 'feelings'. Regardless, I can't really say that my sentiments are quite where yours might be right now and I don't think it would be fair by saying otherwise or by the sound of things, hanging out together. Nevertheless, I hope you realize that I have always felt that you are a super sweet, smart and fun person to be around.

I was caught completely off guard. And I never said I had "feelings" for him... So my question to you is... How can a respond to him with out him thinking he broke me.. And to get over himself.. I was not in love with him... I was however extremely hurt.

--- Misled and Used

Dear Misled and Used:

Lies! Lies! Lies! It's funny that he begins by saying he's happy to be honest with you and then lies right to your face. How many of us "lose" an email or don't see it when it comes into our inbox? Rarely does that happen to me.

I always assume when someone says they emailed me and I didn't get it that they didn't send it!

In his defense, I can understand why he believes you have feelings for him. If a woman emails us or in any way shows any effort to establish a relationship with us, we assume she likes us and has feelings for us. Why? Because from our skewed male perspective we wouldn't make one inch of effort if we didn't have some stirring of feelings (emotional or physical) for the woman.

The last line though is like throwing salt on a wound. I wish guys wouldn't make something already bad much worse by tossing out sappy lines that have no real meaning. You already know your sweet, fun and smart and certainly don't want to hear it from him!

To answer your question, I would offer two responses. The first should be used if you still want to date him at some point down the road. I think it's important to model true integrity, as this guy obviously has none. I would say:

"I'm disappointed you feel that way. If you change your mind, you have my number."

Short and sweet -- the way men like it. The second response should be used only in extreme cases, where you feel the uncontrollable need to punish this guy for hurting you. Seek therapy immediately after responding. It goes like this...

"Richard, (use different name from this guy) thanks for last night. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise... you are fun, sweet and intelligent. But most of all you f*** like a champion."

Send that to this guy followed very quickly by another email that says...

"Ok. No worries. Good luck in your life."

This jerk will assume you sent the wrong email (the first one) to him by mistake. He'll get so jealous, as this kind of comment feeds off men's insecurity about their sexual skills. He'll get turned on and at the same time feel an obligation to top this mythical Dick. Of course he'll write back and you'll write:

"Whoops, my mistake. Disregard that last email."

That's it. He'll be tormented for weeks!

--George

I'm all for second opinions! Let misled and used know your own thoughts and suggestions.

Pass On Passive-Aggressive

Dear George:

I was hanging out with this guy. We had been on at least 15 dates. He kept asking me to get together. I kept saying yes and then he would ask when I was free. I would offer up a suggestion of something fun to do, but keep getting responses like this one below. This guy keeps asking me to do things, but then keeps bailing. How can I tell him I give up and to stop contacting me...without being a bitch?

-- Jennifer

Belle and Sebastian sounds cool but I am starting to feel the pinch financially especially since I almost bought a condo yesterday. I have my two failed units tacked to the wall in front of me as motivation to get my shit together. I had my "australian open" moment yesterday when i was trying to get pre-approved for a loan.

.........

Dear Jennifer:

Based on this response (to your suggestion of places to go) I would say this guy is actively passive-aggressive. While there is no clinical diagnosis for PA it is symptomatic of larger personality problems. Guys with PA unconsciously obstruct progress, procrastinate, and accept inefficiency in their lives -- usually to cover an underlying aggression. In the book Synopsis of Psychiatry (Kalpan & Saddock, 1997), the authors state:

"PAPD patients characteristically procrastinate, resist demands for adequate performance, find excuses for delays, and find fault with those on whom they depend; yet they refuse to extricate themselves from the dependent relationships. They usually lack assertiveness and are not direct about their own needs and wishes. They fail to ask needed questions about what is expected of them and may become anxious when forced to succeed or when their usual defense of turning anger against themselves is removed.

In interpersonal relationships, these people attempt to manipulate themselves into a position of dependence, but others often experience this passive, self-detrimental behavior as punitive and manipulative. People with this disorder expect others to do their errands and to carry out their routine responsibilities. Friends and clinicians may become enmeshed in trying to assuage the patients' many claims of unjust treatment. The close relationships of people with PAPD, however, are rarely tranquil or happy. Because they are bound to their resentment more closely than to their satisfaction, they may never even formulate goals for finding enjoyment in life. People with this disorder lack self-confidence and are typically pessimistic about the future."

This guy demonstrates many of these qualities in his email to you. Like the Rorschach test, an email can be a window to one's thoughts and feelings. This guy is determined not to commit to a time or date regarding the date. If he "just wasn't into you" by the fifteenth date, a simple phone call or email stating that would have sufficed. He seems incapable of that and seemingly wants you to end the relationship so he doesn't have to. He is also demonstrating his need for dependence by stating his failures and desire to get his "shit together." Is it possible that he wants you to get his "shit together" for him?

You're feeling angry about this situation. This reaction is probably all too familiar to him. On the one hand he is pushing his own internalized anger onto you (projective identification) and on the other hand he's undoubtedly feeling sad at his difficulty to connect with someone in a mature manner.

As far as your response goes.... I would not give him what he subconsciously wants -- an angry response. This is a sad guy with a f'd up problem. Be his mirror and let him know in nice terms what he did and didn't do. He needs to know the proper etiquette so at least with therapy, he'll have a goal to reach.

All the best,
George

I always value second opinions. Please offer any advice or comments you have to Jennifer!

Dump or Trump?

Dear George:

Here is the email I received from a guy I had seen a couple times. What do you think? Should I contact him again?

-- Sarah, Chicago

----------------

Sorry for not responding, things have been really REALLY hectic. I'll try and call you when I get a chance. As we speak, I'm in the midst of a all East Coast Law Department conference call among twelve other things. Sorry, hopefully we get to do it in the next few weeks. Maybe we should just put it off for a while.

---------------

Dear Sarah:

A quick read shows how truly wonderful this guy is -- in is own mind. His narcissistic proclivities are apparent in his desire to tell you he's on the All East Coast Law Department team, whatever that means. Does anyone really care about this? Oh wait, he and his mother do.

Yes, we get it. He's a lawyer and so busy! Hectic, really, which is much more busy than just busy. Hectic, implies rushed and rushed is good if you're on the All EAST COAST LAW DEPARTMENT TEAM.

The sad part is the mean spirit of the end of this email. Maybe we should put it off for a while? What he really meant was maybe we should put "you" off for a while. What a jerk!

People often treat others they way they were treated as a child. Projective Identification is the term. I suspect that maybe this guy was "put off" by his mother and neglected as a child. He's now transferring these painful subconscious feelings onto you. Some theorists believe that neglect, or abuse, as a child can lead one to develop a narcissistic personality disorder later in adulthood.

This man is not going to be able to provide the support you need and deserve in a relationship. Therefore, I say delete the message and move on.

---George